Posts by La Capra

28

Fading or Disassociating

by Saethydd in

hello, i'm new here.. i'm a college student who has been raised in the "truth" for my entire life.

i was baptized at 10 years old, and looking back now i know i didn't fully grasp everything involved, for one thing i don't even recall ever going to jehovah in a special prayer to dedicate myself to him, but anyway that's the past and my focus is really on the present.

i'm currently pursuing an associates degree, but i find myself desiring to pursue a bachelors in my chosen field so that i may have a somewhat more secure future.

La Capra

I was in mostly the same situation now almost 30 years ago, except I was not disfellowshipped and had not done anything that would warrant that.

However it was extremely unusual for anyone in our congregation to go to college and I was actually pursuing a BA. Even though I was raised JW by my mom, my dad was not JW. My mom had graduated from college prior to converting.

So she really understood the importance of an education. But alas, I didn't make it through my first year of college before I realized I needed out of the religion, for at least a dozen reasons. But I lived at home with my mom and dad and couldn't not participate in the religion without taking a stand.

If could have done anything differently, I would have stuck it out as a pretender until I had graduated, was self-supporting, and I could have moved away and faded. But I couldn't live that lie for longer than a few months.

Life probably would have been a little easier for me if I had been able to wait and fade, but "those people" were really horrid to me solely because I was going to the university.

If I had faded rather than DA, I think I would still have my mom in my life. But now that my dad has passed away, she doesn't have to have anything to do with me or her grandchildren. I don't think the kids are missing out on much, but it is one factor I hadn't considered at all when I was 19 and publicly walked away. I miss the emotional intimacy that was once shared between a mother and daughter, and there is nothing that can replace that. But knowing it was all conditional in the first place, softens the blow. Now I just focus on providing that for my own children, knowing it is really and truly unconditional.

As far as advice-it's not too complicated: Just sock away as much money as you can, don't waste it on eating out, Starbucks, or vacations; and try to pay as you go for college rather than taking loans. You'll be happier later on not being in debt and hopefully not needing to live month to month. It won't be long before you are living the life you want and in the blink of an eye, you'll be a but a few years from the retirement they told you you'd never see in "this system."

I choose not to dwell too much on whether the corporation is corrupt, greedy, negligent, or evil. I'm not sure it accomplishes a thing. However, all I have come to know about its workings over the last 30 years has only given me the peace of mind that if God does exist in their definition of God, that God would have shut down that racket 100 years ago.

Here's to your comfortable retirement in 30 years' time🍾.

58

What's The First "Worldly" Thing You Did When You Exited The Cult?

by pale.emperor in

when you finally and officially exited the cult, whether it be by disfellowshipping, disassociating or fading - what was the first things you did that are considered "worldly"?.

for me, it was like crash landing on another planet that looked like earth but was completely different to the earth i knew.

i wanted to learn everything that i thought i already knew.. first things i did:.

La Capra

Bought and wore a bikini on family trip to Hawaii (actually, that was just before the exit, but I had already decided that I was out, and didn't want to waste the opportunity)

Registered to Vote

Dressed up for Halloween and went to a dorm house party at Cal

Bought Christmas presents for my friends and non-witness family

Went to see what other religions were up to (the full gamut-buddhism to Judaism)

Watched all the funny sitcoms that I had been missing on meeting nights

23

Why Marrying An Outsider Is NOT A Disfellowshipping "Offense"

by Divergent in

jw
friends

so yeah, i was thinking about this.

marrying an unbeliever is considered to be wrong, but at the same time, it is not a disfellowshipping "offense".

well, the reason is simple: there is more to gain than to lose by not disfellowshipping.

La Capra

I recall, back in the 1980's, in our congregation, 2 single female members who were best friends. Both were physically beautiful and with great personalities. One was the daughter of an elder, the other's father was not a JW (her mom was). As they approached their late 20s and it was apparent there were no suitable prospects, they happened to meet two fellows that were not JWs and were also best friends. As the relationships progressed, both couples decided to get married. They brought their beaus to the meetings, the fiancés had bible studies (with the elder) and they were going to get baptized--blah-blah-blah.

The elder's daughter saw fit to go and get married before her beau's baptism took place and NOTHING happened to her. Bride number 2 started to plan her own wedding, inviting many the same friends that attended the elder's daughter's wedding (said elder having performed the ceremony).

Boom-the special needs talks start up: there were three of them in two months: That we shouldn't date unbelievers, that we shouldn't associate with sisters that do, that we shouldn't attend such a wedding between a a sister and an unbeliever, that the bride-to-be should be marked, etc.

It was so horrible that under threat from her mom that she would not attend their wedding, the second bride and her fiancé postponed their wedding until after he got baptized. Everyone talked about how faithful she was and how she was rewarded. But I thought everyone was a bunch of hypocritical bullies. I was about 15 and decided then and there that I would never mark or shun anyone, and would associate with any and all who treated me kindly and wanted to hang out. (Of course I eventually got marked and shunned for that attitude.)

Oh, and that elder's son-in-law? He never did get baptized, the elder's daughter was never marked or shunned, and the elder retained all of his "privileges."

So that's what the elders might do about it.

54

According to one JW there can only be 1 of 3 reasons why you left.

by Bonsai in

i asked an old jw friend of mine why so many baptized individuals leave the jw religion.

"did it ever occur to you, old friend, that maybe they know something that you don't know and have valid reasons for leaving?

", i asked.. his response set me back for an answer.

La Capra

What a lovely thread. I remember a conversation with an "older" female member who was certain that if I had not been raised as a Jehovah's Witness that I would be living a teen life of debauchery, strung out on heroin, prostituting for my next fix, and I would probably be well on my way to prison or the unwed mothers' home-and how fortunate I was to have been given this gift by my mom. I was about 16 at the time and was certain none of those things interested me because of my personality and my interests (academics, classical music, and other wholesome interests), not because my mom was raising me in the religion. I told her as much and informed her there were many girls at my school who were not JWs and not doing any of those things either. Of course she disagreed, and we agreed to disagree.

Fast forward 3 years, one lovely May day, when I realized, without any doubt in my mind, that God, as I always knew it, simply did not exist. Once that happened, there was no going back.

Although I had the opportunity to be stumbled many times, I wasn't, so my pride didn't interfere.

Although leaving would give me the opportunity to fornicate without their consequences, that was the least of my interests.

Being gay didn't interest me, so that wasn't it.

I did finally leave, since I no longer believed, because they were harassing me and some were shunning me for attending college, even though I had my mother's permission and support. Not being beholden to them gave me the freedom to become an educated, self-supporting woman. No one "in the world" ever takes the fact that I left the JWs to mean I am 1) a fornicator; 2) too proud to be a member of a religious congregation; or 3) LGBQT.

I wonder if the JW that said those things was projecting their own weaknesses onto those who have exited...

11

Shunning vs. Silent Treatment

by raven in

i was thinking this morning in context with the shunning practice- which we all know is a degrading and abusive routine carried out among all brainwashed jw's to those who have sinned/left the org etc.. so with that in mind, how does shunning differ from the silent treatment to jw's?

both are similar in definition... silent treatment.

: an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval.shun, shunning: persistently avoid, ignore, or reject (someone or something) through antipathy or caution.based on jw teachings which i stupidly accepted back when i was asleep and under mind control, i didn't give it two thoughts on how both acts are related.. i do remember an article in a wt which spoke of how the silent treatment is a harsh and abusive form of discipline, but then they twist it back and claim that shunning is a loving provision?

La Capra

In the context of this religion, shunning and the silent treatment are sometimes the same thing, but a dub in good standing could be given the silent treatment by another dub over anything and everything, for personal reasons, then shunning and the silent treatment are two different things.

To me, avoiding someone and not talking to them when you see them because you are pissed off at them is the definition of the silent treatment. Avoiding someone and not talking to them when you see them because they are a"sinner" (to encourage repentance and avoid "bad association" TM) is shunning.

The silent treatment isn't always immature, sometimes it's self preservation if it's the bully themself you are ignoring.

5

Out of the Mouths of Babes

by La Capra in

jw
friends

overheard in the electronics department at our local walmart,.

"how would you like your own headphones for the meeting?

my attention caught, i look up to see a 3-year old in the shopping cart then hear him say in a high whiny voice, "i don't want to go to the meeting.

La Capra

Overheard in the Electronics Department at our local Walmart,

"How would you like your own headphones for the meeting?"

My attention caught, I look up to see a 3-year old in the shopping cart then hear him say in a high whiny voice, "I don't want to go to the meeting." And he starts to cry.

Mama says, "Oh, it's ok, we're not going today."

And he says, "I don't ever want to go."

And I think, first, "things have not changed in the 45 years since I was a 3-year-old," and secondly, "wait a second, he gets headphones at a meeting? Why does he get headphones to listen to something else at the meetings and I didn't? What a ripoff!"

15

£1 million pound fine

by pepperheart in

hi a court in the uk in loughborough have fined the jws over £1 million pounds for the court costs for a child abuse case in loughborough in the east midlands..

La Capra

http://www.leicestermercury.co.uk/jehovah-s-witnesses-face-1m-legal-bill-after-young-girl-was-sexually-abused-by-one-of-its-members/story-29491614-detail/story.html

Here it is.

30

What would you like to have known about JWs before deciding whether to get baptised?

by slimboyfat in

if you could go back in time and tell yourself one thing about jws would you do it?

and what would you choose to say to yourself?

do you think you could have convinced yourself not to get baptised if you chose the right thing to say?

La Capra

1. Females are second class citizens.

2. Unmarried females are less than male children.

3. Getting baptized only made it worse, because they stop being kind to you.

I put up with that less than one year. Ten months to be exact. It would have been fewer months, but I had a family trip to get through. I was fortunate. I didn't put off my education. I won't suffer an impoverished retirement (you listening mom?) like all my other all-in JW peers (there aren't too many of them) who have nothing (it used to be less than nothing, but thanks to Chapter 7's and 13's, it's just nothing).

47

The 1975 Generation---are they still around?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i was raised as a jw and 1975 expectations were pretty intense.

as i recall, most people did not leave after the failed expectations but many s l o w e d down.

now, i think most of the 1975 witnesses are gone or barely in.. is the older generation still around in the kingdom halls or are they much gone?.

La Capra

I was barely 7 in 1975, but vividly remember "stay alive for '75." My mom is in her late 70's and still in, but none of her children are. In that regard she was a fabulous mother, but a lousy witness. Her unbelieving mate's quiet rejection was louder and more powerful than her heavy-duty attempts at brainwashing. Despite the failure of the Great Tribulation to manifest itself in the 70s or 80s, the doctrinal generation change in the 90s, my mother STILL believes that it's gonna happen, any second. When she has to get new tires for her car-those will be the last she ever needs to get. When she has to get new eye-glasses, she is certain those are the last she will ever need to get. She has lived this way for 50 years, converting, on that promise, the displaced and disenfranchised fringies she manages to find in every nook and cranny of her goings-on. Of course Great Britain's vote to leave the European Union is the latest sign that the GT is imminent. When I was a kid in the late 70s and early 80s, the publisher count was always well above 100 in the congregation. Now it's only about 47. As my mother says, without any sadness, they are dying off.

29

Disaster Demonstration in Kingdom hall

by Newly Enlightened in

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwr9w_i02di.

La Capra

Very obvious sexism too. Very upsetting to see that the "womenfolk" of the second family were completely incompetent without their "headship," only to be saved when a "brother" arrived….

I still have no idea why the women in that cult consent to be ridiculed openly like that and actively participate in the process.

Disgusting.